So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
