you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
