good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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