Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
