Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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