Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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