i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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