Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
