i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My balls are so social today.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
