the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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