Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
