Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
