used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
