i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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