Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
