He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
