The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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