Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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