the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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