I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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