i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
