We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
