then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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