so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
