if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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