I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
