Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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