Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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