I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
being pregnant is like rehab
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
