Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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