Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
