apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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