i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
