I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
