She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize