Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize