I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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