is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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