Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
