the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
