i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
