i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Enjoy the penises
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
