all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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