lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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