i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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