All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
