physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
