theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
