anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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