I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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