her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
