just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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