It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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