it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
