I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
