She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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