I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
