If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
