So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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