glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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