like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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