i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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