We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
