How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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