I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
