if i can run in heels then i can drive
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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