me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize