i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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