Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
